BUT THE ATTORNEY SPOKE GREEK AND THE CLIENT HEARD CHINESE:
The attorney to the client:
''I know what I said. I meant that the appeal will be limited, not that you have limited appeal.''
''No, no, no. I wanted you to get an audit of your assets, not auction them! You sold what?''
''The trial judge won't be taking pictures of you. You see, in camera means....''
The client to the attorney:
''You didn't recommend to me that I spend more time with my teenagers? I thought you said that I was overlooking the value of parent company relationships.''
''When you told me I was liable for the matter, I decided to lie about it. Now you tell me that it was a viable matter and that it could have been solved?''
''Filed a mechanic's lien against me? I have a brand new car and I haven't had a bit of work done on it!''
FROM THE COURTROOM:
Q. Do you recall what happened after the red car hit your car?
A. Mostly, I remember that my coke spilled on my white sweater and that Mimi fell in the floor.
Q. I'm sorry. I didn't remember that you had a passenger in the car with you.
A. No, I didn't. Mimi is my poodle, and the coke spilled on her too.
Q. Were you acquainted with the deceased?
A. Yes.
Q. Was that before or after he died?
Q. Are you married?
A. Nope.
Q. Are you divorced?
A. Nope.
Q. What is your status?
A. U.S. citizen.
YOU MAY BE A PARALEGAL IF:
It has been a long day, and it is only 11:00 o'clock a.m. on Tuesday!
Your spouse refuses to watch television programs or movies with you which involve the legal system because you constantly point out the program's mistakes in the use of legal terminology or procedure. (For instance, I was watching a television program where they actually referred to the criminal burden as a ''preponderance of evidence'' rather than ''beyond a reasonable doubt.'' My response was, ''How can they be so stupid? Haven't they done their homework? Anyone knows that's the wrong burden of proof. This show has no credibility.'' See my husband's point?)
You find yourself racing to the courthouse at 4:30 p.m. every Friday.
Every time you read or hear about an accident or disaster you map out (in your mind) the possible causes of action that could be sought.
You feel guilty about reading fiction because you have a stack of legal magazines and articles to read!
When you look through your old high school yearbook, you divide the folks in it into two groups‹plaintiffs and defendants!
You are on your knees in front of the fax machine at 4:58 p.m. praying that the busy signal will stop before 5 p.m.
Riding in the elevator at work, you bite your lip and look disinterested when you overhear erroneous gossip about the big land deal that is being negotiated for a client by your supervising attorney‹ because you know that the real purchase price is $2 million, not $20 million and that no ''out-of-town weird looking people'' are involved!
At a family reunion, your mother tells the relatives who have just filed a grievance against their attorney that you work ''with computers.'' Your mother gives you a meaningful look that lets you know you are not to tell what you do ''with computers.''
You are 25 years old, but new acquaintances ask you if you were in college in the 70's!
TALES FROM THE LAW OFFICES OF _____
Several years ago I was transcribing a tape that was produced by the opposing counsel during discovery. The tapes were recorded by his client who kept the tape recorder stuffed in his cowboy boots while trying to ''catch'' the ''guilty'' party in a lie. During one of the recorded sessions, he and several men were having lunch, and he excused himself to the bathroom. Unfortunately, he forgot to turn off the tape recorder.
A conversational and capable attorney constantly ''entertained'' his partners because he was a victim of malapropism, a disease which strikes all of us from time to time! When telling his partners about an unusually intelligent and personable young attorney he had met, he said, ''He is so smart; he remembers everything; he has a photogenic mind!'' On a Monday morning, after an important Sunday football game, his partners left the conference room (holding their sides in suppressed laughter) when he related to them about an exciting ''fourth and goal'' play where the defending team took a goal line stance, and in connection with football stories, he reminded them that one of the players on the winning team had, at one time, played briefly for another major league team, or as, the attorney put it, ''He did a stench with the Patriots.''
BUMPER STICKER CORNER:
Under the supervision of attorneys, paralegals are legal. (Anonymous)
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